Newsletter #009 - Happy and meaningful life

In the fifth part of the "Knowledge in Pictures" series, I will show you my perspective of a happy and meaningful life. I will list some insights I found on Social Media, to help to guide through the massive number of approaches. Hopefully, at the end of the article, you are a step further on your quest for a happy and meaningful life.

My perspective on the topic

By the time I reached the point of asking myself this big question about the meaning of life, a quarter of a century had already passed. After those 25 years, I didn't consciously ask myself the question, but began to search unconsciously. Then, as now, I used books as my source of knowledge. This unconscious search focused on accumulating knowledge capital to create a stable foundation for my success. At that time, I didn't define success, but rather strived for a vague expectation from my socialization. Looking back, I would say that success defined itself for me as follows: a house, a family with two children, and no boss – in other words, my own company.

Today, almost another quarter of a century later, my perspective has changed thanks to the right books: I've found the right questions for myself, and I am honing a conscious definition of success. And this definition is closely linked to the topic of retirement and what I expect from life.

Looking back, I will consider my life successful if my endeavors are meaningful and I am content with what I have done.

This approach has two tremendous advantages for me. First, the definition is so vague that I can do mostly anything. I'm not restricted; I'm free to choose what makes me happy; I decide what's meaningful to me. Second, I decide, not someone else deciding for me. Or the opinion of others. This makes me independent (which is what I always wanted to be) and accountable only to myself.

The following graphic illustrates the development of my perspective as a software developer:

Between these two moments lie several years in which I read articles, pored over books, and tried things out. In this post, I present the graphics that offer the most interesting insights regarding happiness, in the hope that they will inspire and help you move forward.

Food for thought on happiness

The difference between wealth and prosperity

For many people, success is closely linked to money—at least, that was the case for me in my early twenties. When my children were born, I realized that money helps, but there's one thing it can't retroactively buy: (quality) time. It became clear to me that my investment in my job (aka success or career) is in direct conflict with the time I can spend with my family. This conflict existed even before I had children: Do I spend time with my friends, read, learn, and somehow create wonderful memories, or do I focus on earning money?

The following graphic illustrates the conflict. If the focus is on only one aspect, the other aspects inevitably suffer. In the case of money, I neglect family or friendships.

Everyone needs to be aware of one thing: When we lie on our deathbed and look back, we don't remember the wonderful overtime we put in for the benefit of our careers and money. If the thought of our deathbed seems too abstract or far away, think back to the last week, the previous month, or the last year – what moments do you remember? If aspects of work are included, is it the overtime or "just" that special moment when you escaped your comfort zone and exceeded your expectations?

Aspects that can define success

Once you've matured to understand that success is more than just a job title and salary, the next question to consider is: What do I truly want? What is important to me? The answer is individual. However, what they all have in common is that, in my opinion, happiness only works if I know the answer to these questions. In my opinion, the answer today doesn't have to be the same as tomorrow. Life and life situations change, and with them, the answer is. That is okay, and we should allow it.

What I find successful about the pie chart is that it attributes almost 50% to the term health, divided between physical and mental health. Whether this was intentional, I don't know. But it does hit the nail on the head: if I'm healthy, I can build on it and fulfil my dreams.

Feelings of Happiness – The Dopamine Trap

The challenges that arise from modern everyday life are familiar to many. Nevertheless, it cannot be emphasized enough what disastrous consequences smart devices and applications have on us and our health. In my book review Make Time, I pondered the magical way in which, at the slightest hint of boredom, our cell phones suddenly appear in our hands. The reason for this is the dopamine trap.

Other habits have a similarly disastrous effect and aren't on everyone's radar, which is why I've included this graphic. Go through these eleven points in a quiet moment and honestly ask yourself, how often am I unconsciously (on autopilot) on the fake page? My emphasis is on the word unconsciously! For me, all-night gaming is very high on my list. I specifically plan this on my free weekends with my son: playing PS5 until late into the night.

Ways to Happiness

Generalizing is always dangerous. Therefore, consider the following list with caution and consider what applies to you. At the same time, there are insights into a handful of habits that, sooner or later, make it harder to be happy than if we swap them for more active and mindful versions. These insights are compared in the following overview.

For me, the core of this is having a positive attitude and not allowing myself to be limited by my own or others' concerns, and ignoring so-called realists (also known as worriers). I can recommend the book "Think Big" by David J. Schwartz – more details in my book review.

Conclusion

To summarize the topic, we need a study from Harvard. Or, more precisely, an overview of the findings from the survey of older people. After all the information so far, the eight aspects are no surprise, but rather a meaningful summary that I don't want to withhold from you:

I'm adding an important aspect that I left open in the previous discussion as bonus material here. The graphics show good paths to a happy life, but not to a meaningful one. This is only touched upon. Let's turn to the exciting questions we need to ask ourselves to recognize what is meaningful for each individual.

Bonus Material

So far, we've discussed paths that help us achieve happiness and made it clear that meaning, purpose, and passion are essential, but how do I identify them? Here are the helpful questions:

The first three questions focus on what we like, what we can do, and what we want. When it comes to enjoying, we consciously disregard the financial limits to get to the core of our desires.

The following three questions raise awareness of our values ​​and fears. Building on this, the sixth question employs a subtle psychological technique: looking at ourselves through the eyes of others.

I supplement the seventh question about role models with the question about lighthouses. These are people or characteristics of certain people who act like a lighthouse: They warn me – I don't want to be like that.

The last three questions focus our attention outward. They aim to understand what we can give back to the world, how we help others, or who we (want to) surround ourselves with. I want to underscore the importance of such questions with a quote that emerged in the late 1980s:

If everyone thinks of themselves, everyone is taken care of.

This saying is based on the theories of Adam Smith, which has egoism in focus, and illustrates the brutalization of society. I would like to focus on the more relevant aspect of the quote: After I have taken care of myself, I am in a position to help others, and should do so!

Outlook

We now know that productivity and happiness are not mutually exclusive. They are both based on the same foundation: our self-defined meaning. Along the way, we ask ourselves many critical questions, consider the answers, and start again.

I tend to overthink, which is aptly described in English by the word "overthinking." This term contains an aspect that I want to emphasize: With this phenomenon, there is a risk that we plague ourselves with a flood of negative thoughts. Before this becomes obsessive, it is important to counteract it. There are eight techniques used in Japan to do this, which we will cover in the next newsletter in mid-June.

Thank you for reading my newsletter.

All the best – Mark